Every transplant mother's fear

Every successful organ transplantation is a miracle. Being able to return to normal life after transplantation is a miracle. Even so having a child after a transplantation is phenomenal. I maybe the lucky few to have encountered that miraculous experience. My son is my miracle, and I bore him with a grafted kidney. Last week, I had a terrible knee pain. It got worse, when I carried gunden and brought him outdoors to make him feel better after his bitter daycare experience. The pain was so intense that I was unable to move and the throbbing pain did not stop regardless how I rest my leg. During these challenging period, it occurred to me if my original disease had returned with a vengeance.  Thus, provoking every transplant mother’s fear; that I may not live long to see my son growing into adulthood.

What has knee pain got to do with my lifespan? My original disease has yet to be diagnosed, but it was related to autoimmune disease which led to the detrimental of my kidneys. One of the signs and symptoms of the varied autoimmune diseases is joint pain and I have experienced several excruciating joint pains prior to the damaged kidneys. The current pain did not occur after a fall or injury to the knee. It just happened, maybe after a strenuous day. So fearing for the worst, I had an appointment with my nephrologist to check the condition of my kidney. The blood test returned normal but with high inflammation (high CRP and white blood count). Doctor assured me not to worry yet and to further diagnose the condition. I also met an orthopedic whom also checked my blood for signs for arthritis/rheumatoid arthritis (autoimmune related). The blood test result indicated that the rheumatoid factor was within normal range but one of the proteins for arthritis factor was high. The physician suspected that this could be acute arthritis and asked me not to exert the knee and they will check again after 1 month.

Well, the fear for my original disease may have subsided for now. But the knee pain was a reminder that I am a transplant patient and I may not indeed live long to see my son grow up. I am not being pessimistic, I never am. I have been and doing all I can to maintain a good health and the health of my kidney. Also I live my life to the fullest especially after the arrival of my gunden and I cherish every moment I have with him. Having him in my life is one of my happiest encounters.

Having said that, the saddest moment was not when I learned that my kidneys failed and it is irreversible. The saddest moment was indeed when I first realized that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat… And in contrast, the happiest day was when I knew that I was pregnant despite being a kidney transplant patient.