Getting admissions into daycare in Japan had been very
difficult for us as the applications goes through the city administration that
we reside in. We have been trying to enroll him into a decent daycare since he
was 3 months old, but was of no avail. So we dedicated our time by working half
time and the rest of the time, we took turns to care for him. But the system
did not work much as I missed lots of research work and stayed longer at home
to tend to him (to ensure that eats, sleeps and drinks well). But then, on the
bright side, he had gained good healthy weight, was healthy, cheerful, confident,
rarely gets sick and most importantly happy to be with us. But the downside
was, he developed stranger anxiety and prefers to be only with us. He is most
comfortable at our home and even when my parents visited, he took a long time
to adapt to them (even with us around).
Now, I have only one semester left to complete my PhD. I
have been procrastinating my research work for some time. I have already have
one paper published, but my main project work is yet to be published and they
are a lot more work to be done. Therefore, I need to write a thesis, a paper,
get it published in a reputable journal, defend my thesis and graduate all in 5
months! Since, I could not procrastinate any longer, we finally got an
admission into the university daycare (the admission to the public daycare
through the city hall failed L).
There were lots of procedure and protocols and when the day
came to actually leave him, he cried. He cried so much. That was the first time
I separated from him. He has always been with me, always….
There was my confident boy, confused and looked at me with
teary eye. How would a 10 month old understand that amma is leaving him to be
cared by a professional caretaker so that she could work? How would I explain
or even console him that it is OK to be left with a complete stranger (a person
who does not speak his language and whom he has never met before). It was heartbreaking
to see him wail and it breaks my heart as we were not allowed to stay longer to
console him. On the first day that we left him (we left him for only 1 hour on
April 1st), the teacher told us that he cried all hour. When we returned home,
he crawled and slept right next to me all evening L
After 1 week, he got sick, a disastrous viral infection that
made him weak. He vomited after every meal, declined to drink milk due to his
stuffy nose and ended up losing so much weight. This is the boy that I cared
attentively and made him healthy with selective super foods with tender, love
and care. I am not saying that I am perfect nor criticizing the daycare system.
I am just pouring my heart out about how helpless I am being unable to make my
son feel better.
Today as I brought him to the daycare, I noticed him getting
upset. He was clinging onto me and when I finally passed him to his caretaker,
he wailed. It broke me…
If only I could stop whatever I am doing now and care for
him. If only I could make him happy again? Will this traumatic experience scar
him? Will this separation change his fearless, confident character to become
timid and apprehensive? There are so many unanswered questions in this post to which I can only hope to get positive answers and happy endings.
No comments:
Post a Comment