That Which Does Not Kill Us, Makes Us Stronger

I have no special purpose for this post. My best friend’s mother passed away last year and today my friend sent me a message expressing her feelings towards the loss. She wanted to share her feelings since I lost my baby girl too.

Whilst communicating with her I realized many things. To suffer and to be in pain is like a norm for me now. I may be exaggerating comparing to the many sufferings around the world that went unnoticed. I am considered the lucky few. I am lucky enough to get a kidney transplanted. I have been supported tremendously by family and selected friends. My wonderful Satya who proceeded to marry me and still clinging strongly to our marriage after all the mishaps we went through. Sometimes the both of us just become numb of all the happenings. Most of the time we couldn't find reasons for certain happenings leaving us clueless and frustrated (i.e we still don’t know why my kidneys failed in 2007).

The kindness of people around me melts my heart at times. Well, I am doomed to be sick. As bitter as it is, I am who I am now and I have accepted this and moved on. But seeing the wonderful people wanting so much for me to be alive inspire me to keep breathing. I am not saying that I am suicidal. I never am. I have always been optimistic and strived on no matter what happens. But I cannot deny that the major part of me to be optimistic is for the love of the loved ones (My donor, family especially my mom, Satya and some friends). I am cheerful amidst them and always do my best to be strong in front of them.

As for my mom, she never had a smooth life. She lost her mom when she was 6 years old and since then fighting over her life’s turmoil. Now that she had brought up her kids, she should relax and enjoy the rest of her life but since I got sick, I doubt if she’s ever relaxed. She was there looking after me during my dialysis, my transplantation and bunch of uneasiness I was exposed to. I finally thought that my pregnancy cheered her up, but even that didn't last long. I haven’t shared the story of my lost, but it was devastating and I suffered tremendously. Yet, what kept me moving? It’s the love of the loved ones, amma, donor and Satya. These people have been fighting with me, coping with me and loving me to great extent. Therefore, the greatest gift I can give them is to stay alive and living the life as happily as possible.