If Only I Could See You Smile

During my last visit to the gynecologist, the doctor gave us devastating news that our baby was not moving and the heart was no longer beating. I lost my baby, was induced and gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl on December 19, 2012.

I am not ready to share the story yet, but I would like to dedicate this song to her for now.

*Into the West*
Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say 'we have come now to the end'
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west

My baby buchi chello kuddi amma chello, it kills me to learn that I would never see you again. If only I could see you, smell you, hold you close to my heart while seeing you smiling happily to me...