The Birth Story

On May 11 2015, a balloon was inserted as a preparation for artificial cervix dilation. In the afternoon of May 12 2015, I was 5 cm dilated but it stopped after that. I was in labour pain for quite some time and since I was 5 cm dilated, they proceeded to artificially break the water to induce labour and contractions. However I did not dilate further until nighttime. Even though cervix was dilated at 10cm at night, baby was not stationed at the pelvic to commence pushing and delivery. They started inducing at 6am on May 12, 2015. I was in terrible pain for almost 18 hours and all the doctors did was to give me encouragement and requested me to fight tenaciously so that we can have a normal delivery. 
The doctors fought so hard to avoid cesarean section as I was a kidney transplant patient and appendicitis operations. To avoid infections and blood loss which may affect the transplanted kidney, doctors avoided cesarean at all cost. However, the baby was yet properly stationed and in fact a doctor come and tried to position his head into the pelvic manually (the pain was so intense). They also asked me to push and I did with all might, but The head did not move much. We were also afraid of my baby being in stress as he was low in Oxygen twice during these period. At 4am on May 13 2015, after a long battle, the doctors finally decided on cesarean section and brought me to the operation theater. I had a vertical incision (due to transplant wound and appendicitis operation) and at 4.59am, my baby was delivered. I was on local anesthesia and my body was numb after a spine injection, but I was aware of all the happenings. The doctors explained that the operation was successful and I did not lose much blood. I heard my baby cry and they brought him to me. There he was, my gunden being held by a nurse. I called him baby and gave him a kiss. It was quite emotional as I could not hold him and I had to undergo operation despite all my strenuous labour pain, trouble and effort to avoid it. Anyways, I was glad that my baby is safely delivered without further stress. They completed the suture and I was brought back to the ward greeted by my mom and Satya. They wanted to show me the baby’s picture (baby was showed to them after my operation), but I told them that I was the first one to see and kiss him :)

He was brought to me in the ward and I had a chance to cuddle, hold and kiss him. He was born on May 13, 2015 (39weeks and 5 days) at 4.59am and weighed 3666g. I stayed in the hospital for 10 days, in which I took care of my baby and fed him. I was allowed (due to immunosuppressant of transplantation) to breastfeed for the first 3 months which I did happily and successfully. He is 7 months old now. I have been looking after him solely for the past 7 months (our applications to send him to daycare was not successful). I was working half time (thanks to my very understanding PI) juggling between caring for him, cooking, doing experiments and handling chores. I never regret anything and I’m really glad that I managed to do what I could do for him. I love him and he loves me too. After all these time, we are finally bringing him back to meet family and friends. Hope it will be a happy and successful trip and my gunden will have the greatest time ever!

Remembering my girls

As happy as I am now, there is not a day goes by that I don't think of my girls...

Gone too soon - Daughtry

Today could have been the day,
That you blow out your candles,
Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,
Everybody was laughing,
Instead I just sit here and cry,

Who would you be?
What would you look like,
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon.

Would you have been president
Or a painter, an author, or sing like your mother?
One thing is evident,
Would've given all I had,
Would've loved you like no other.

Who would you be,
What would you look like,
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon.

Not a day goes by,
I'm always asking why.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a beautiful light we never knew,
Gone too soon,
You were gone too soon,
Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you.

Joyous December

It is December already and coming 13th, my booboo will be 7 months old! My little blob can sit, roll and clap! He loves to bite and kiss me every now and then. It is very special because he only bites and kisses me :)
We will be flying back to Malaysia on the 20th this month to celebrate blob with family and friends. This will be my first Christmas with him, his first trip to Malaysia and I am returning after missing three Christmases. So family is looking forward to meeting us. As excited as we are, Satya and I still dread about the traveling hours and how gunden is going to respond to all the changes. Everything will be new to him and he will be meeting so many people. Really looking forward and hope that everything will be great.
I cannot believe how much this little guy changed me. I'm surprised that I can love this being this much and everything I do for him surprises me at times. Hoping for a good health so that I can spend many years with my kutty paiya. I'm willing to do anything for him and will do my best to protect and keep him safe. Well as Kristen Proby quoted, "No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows the sound of my heart from the inside"